Speaking From My Heart Today~

Psalm 71:20

King James Version (KJV)

 ²⁰Thou, which hast shewed me great and sore troubles, shalt quicken me again, and shalt bring me up again from the depths of the earth.

Every family has both beauty ~ and unfortunately baggage. Think about what blessings or curses  your lineage passed down to you. What family troubles have you seen?

Last night at our monthly Ladies' Meeting~ my old Pastor's wife spoke. (She was my Pastor's wife for 38 years~what a blessing.) She spoke on Woman Power~ the first lady~ Eve. Eve did not know by taking things into her own hands~ influencing her husband~ that she would see her first born son murdered. She lost both her sons ~one to death~ the other had to flee for his life~never to return. We never see where she laid her eyes on him again. What a broken heart the first mother must have had. She lost so much and so have we.  Even the first family had baggage.

My own family has been the same. I was a child of a messy divorce. I am a child of an alcoholic and addict. Yet I am the beneficiary ~ of a family whom met Jesus ~ and He has performed miracles of restoration. Beyond what I can type upon this page.
On my mother's side~in their brokenness~ they saw the need to place their trust in Jesus. Upon my father's side many struggled with addiction~ some placed their trust in Jesus but all faced an early grave. Needless to say I love them all dearly. They were/are human but they are my family.

We spend the first part of our lives struggling to deal with our negative heritage~ and now in the second half of life~ I see we spend the rest of our life trying to undo the things we enacted as a response to who we are and where we came from.

When we choose to live in a state of regret and unforgiveness for those who have done these things to us but that is not living the "abundant" life. I wish I could take back some of the things I spouted off to my parents and my parents-in-law. In my arrogance of thinking I had it all figured out I crushed them so many times with my prideful words.  "I would do this game of life much better."  Each time I am reminded of a foolish statement ~ I apologize again. God forgive me!

Unfinished business at the end of our lives will be passed along to those that follow behind us. That is history repeating itself~ as my grandma so wisely stated a million and one times.

In the Old Testament~ we read that families could be "cursed" generation after generation for doing evil and lacking favor with God. May we never forget that God is the same yesterday~today~ and forever. Yet~ it took only one person to break a family curse and start living anew with God's blessing. On- the- other hand it only took one to come along and lose favor with God to influence others for evil. I see the heartache and horror that the demon in the bottle can bring to a family~ therefore ~ I choose not to take a drink. Who is to say that we can trust all that follow behind to be able to stop at one drink? Why gamble on such a foolish thing?~ I don't want to be a reason for any to stumble over me.

In 2 Kings 23:37~ we read of a man who "did evil in the eyes of the Lord, just as his father had done." Alternately ~ we also see a man who" did what was right in the eyes of the Lord and followed completely the ways of his father, not turning to the right or the left" ( 2 Kings 2:22) The result were not the same~ I challenge you to study it.

I am thankful that according to Scriptures ~ when we receive Christ as our Saviour ~ we are born into a new family~ God's family. It is clear that we are captives to our linage here~ but we can be "agents of change."  I say that very humbly~ only with Christ working through us can true change unfold.

My father died last Autumn. There were no unspoken words between us. My father had received Christ as his Saviour but could never overcome his addiction. This will forever break my heart. Because of the nightmare I seen played out before my eyes as a child I ran to Jesus and He picked me up and set my feet on a solid rock. My dad said to me every time we had a serious talk, "Carrie Sue~ you have it figured out. You are going the right way." I would explain that I had nothing figured out just that if I walked as close to Jesus as I could ~He would walk with me as close as He could.  I decided early that I would follow Jesus.

Where I came from ~ I can't change and to be honest with you ~ I don't want to. I love my parents and know they did the very best they could. I would not trade them for anything~ nor would I change who I am and where I came from. God does not make mistakes! Praise God for grace~ we all are going to need much grace before they place us in that wooden box.

But where I am going is up to me. I can choose to focus on the problems from my past or the consequences of those that have come before me ~ but I choose to set my own path straight~ to do more than that. I choose to understand and forgive the sins of  my "fathers."  I have made peace with them and that brings the greatest peace of all.  One day I pray that my children will do the same for me too! You see we try our very best to do the best we can with what we have to do.

I can choose to seek God in all that I do and ask HIs blessings upon my life ~ on my children's lives~ and all that will come after me.

Lord~
Life is but a vapor and soon it will be over~ help me to understand the people who came before me~ and who I am today as a result.  I choose to let go of the things which hold me back~ and search for the beauty in my family inheritance.  Thank you for my parents and all they have taught me. Thank you for making me~ me. Please use me to be a blessing in the lives of my family tree.
In Jesus' Name~ Amen