Wednesday, September 3, 2014

"It May Be Cancer"






Psalm 46:1

 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.


Do you ever feel like you wake up somewhere you don't belong? Last week My Brian and I walked into the Cancer Treatment Center at St. Luke's Hospital in Kansas City, Missouri. You just couldn't miss the bright big letters announcing where you were as you walked through beautiful big french doors. As we walked through the grand entrance I could not help but think why am I here?

 As I looked around the waiting room ~ it was filled with ladies from all ages with sweet faces underneath shiny bald heads and beautiful scarfs. Many were wearing wigs but all were toting a sweet smile of some degree. Somehow they seemed to be conveying~  "I am so sorry you are here."  I had seen the same sympathy expression the day I walked out of the building where my testing had been done. They were not allowed to tell me what they had found of course until my Doctor gave me that me that dreaded call. But I could read their faces~ the same face that read, "I am sorry." 

 As I began to study each face in that waiting room some  had no hair at all and some had a spiky do going on ~ I begin to think why not me? I am no better than any lady here. I begin to silently pray for those I did not know. I began to pray for myself. 

CANCER~  such an ugly word that none of us want to hear. I am not sure mine is cancer until it is removed from my body and put under a microscope but all the ladies in the waiting room that day had already been told ~"You have cancer" NOT "You may have cancer." 

I will admit I am afraid. I will admit I am so vain. I confessed to God for  EVER complaining about my baby thin hair. I will admit I am not looking forward to a major surgery. I will admit I don't want to trust a Doctor that I have never met before in my life. 

Yet~ I am a person of faith in a STRONG GOD! I am weak but He is strong! I am not sure I have total confidence in this Oncologist. But I am sure I have total confidence in MY GOD.  I am not sure I can do this in my own strength but I have total confidence in MY GOD'S STRENGTH. He has never once left me or forsaken me. 

This morning I am finding comfort in this verse~


Genesis 16:13

 And she called the name of the Lord that spake unto her, Thou God seest me: for she said, Have I also here looked after him that seeth me?

This is Hagar crying out to God. She was a slave that was abused and misused  for some other's selfish desires. Sara and Abraham were mean to her. Yet~ she cried out to her God and said, "You are the God that sees me." God knew where Hagar was that day Sara kicked her to the curb. And mine and your Bible tells us that God heard her~ He answered her. Hagar called Him ~ El Roi. She was the first person to call God that.  El Roi means - the God who sees me. 

God's eyes were on me when I walked into that Canter Treatment Center and if I have cancer or not ~ He is not caught by surprise.  Grace has brought me safe this far and with grace, I will carry on. 

15 comments:

Down On The Farm said...

And I will keep praying . . . . Sending a great big hug to you this morning. Our God is faithful.

Heather said...

I will be praying for you....and cliche I know but I am sorry that is news no one wants to hear...but remember God has a plan over your life we put our trust in HIM even when it doesn't make sense, even when we don't understand, even when we are scared. You have Hope, Faith and Love... wear them like a crown on your head for God has placed them on you. I know when ever I have walked in the valley it is great comfort to me to not focus just on my circumstance but to focus on who God is and what He can do ~Emmanuel ...God is with you! Jehovah Rapha...The Lord our healer! El ROI... The strong one who sees! ~Jehovah Shammah...The Lord is present! ~Love Heather

Camille said...

Praying for you Carrie. You are looking to the right Source for your comfort and peace. He will walk this path with you and He will carry you through. My favourite verses in the deepest of waters is Isaiah 43:1-3...they are precious! Hugs to you! Camille XO

Robinanne said...

I don't know if you might read paigeknudsen.com however, her blog yesterday 9/2/14 spoke great words to me about our mighty God. I invite you to read her words, especially the ones from her friend. You will be blessed. Prayers your way my friend.

Betsy said...

I am also praying for you and know that the God of Isaac, Abraham and Jacob will be your rock and fortress. I'm so glad you have your Brian there right beside you as you walk this scary path.
I took the very same walk about 10 years ago and although I was blessed with the diagnoses of benign tumor, I know My Sweet Jesus would have been right beside me if it had been anything more serious as he will be for you if that is the answer you get.
Many hugs over the miles and blessings to you,
Betsy

Anonymous said...

Praying for you

Heartfelt living said...

Sending a warm hug and prayers to you. God Bless

Patty said...

Praying for you right now. God is near!

NanaNor's said...

Dear Carrie, My first thought was I'm so sorry, I'm sorry this dreaded disease even exists. We live in a fallen world and suffer. Cancer is a disease that impacts every family, every person at one time or another. I see you being a light for others who may go through this journey, regardless of whether you have it or not. Please keep us posted, email me with prayer requests if you need to. I'm lifting you up right now-that Jehovah Rophe would touch you with healing and guide the hands that touch you.
Love,
Noreen

Farming On Faith said...

Thank you all of your sweet comments and so much more your prayers. I covet each and everyone of them. I know God is in control and I am trusting Him one day at a time.

Amy said...

Amen sister! Praying for you Carrie! Sometimes God allows these hard things in our lives to be able to minister to other people in a special or personal way. I love your attitude! You are strong through Him! IF the answer is cancer- you will walk with Grace and you will not walk alone! Blessings!

living from glory to glory said...

Dear Carrie, No, I cannot say that this is an uplifting new I wanted to read tonight. But your response has made me just feel blessed in knowing you are a woman of faith and you trust God. Now I feel inspired just waiting to hear the final outcome.
Please write me!
Love, Roxy

Judy said...

Carrie, You are a wonderful example of how we are to walk by faith! Blessings on you as you take this journey.

fmsawyer said...

I will be praying for you. I have "popped in on your blog" now for several years. I always enjoy your posts. My husband was diagnosed with colon cancer in 2012 & he made it through his surgery & treatments. There are so many drugs out there to help minimize the side effects. God will provide a way & sustain you in this journey. Blessings, Faith

Rebecca said...

Prayed for you. Please keep is updated!

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