This morning my mind is going in all directions. I have an excuse ~ call it meno-brain fog. My heart has been heavy and asking questions. Many in our community are hurting right now. A Pastor whom many called friend has abandoned his wife, children, and church for another woman. I have been a believer for a long time. I have been here before. I have felt the shaking of my faith and cried these tears. My heart is heavy for the left behind ~those feeling unloved and rejected. Those feeling like they are just not good enough.
Maybe there is a reason this pain feels so familiar ~ my father was one of those who left his family behind. I knew somewhere down deep he loved me yet~ he chose others and a bottle over me~ over our family. He had other priorities that called for his attention. (I just want to throw in a word here. My father passed away three years ago. He was a broken man who never found healing. His biggest regret to the day he died( he would tell you) is throwing away his family. I made my peace with my dad and he had accepted Christ as his Saviour by his testimony. ) I have spent most of my life feeling less-than and never good enough. God has been healing me but there is a part that will always feel a little unloved. The littlest thing can bring back that rejection so quickly.
I am doing the Seamless Bible Study with Angie Smith. I am camping right now on the unloved wife~Leah. Jacob ~ a trickster who tricked his brother out of his birthright had to flee to avoid his brother's wrath. He sets out to Uncle Laban's house to seek shelter and falls head-over-heels in love with Rachel. She was a beauty. Yet~ Jacob has a little reaping and sowing to do here. A little too much booze and poor lighting and the morning after he wakes up hoping to kiss beautiful Rachel but realizes he has been tricked. Fair and tender- eyed Leah was there instead of her little sister.
I say fair enough~ Jacob deserved it but my heart breaks for Leah. How in heaven's name did her father talk her into this? She entered into a loveless marriage with a man who is madly in love with her sister. We decided in our study group that it appears bearing children was more important than being the love of your man in those days. They did not have Pinterest back then ~ they measured their worth by how many children came from their womb. Oh MY! If that didn't work they would give their maidservants to their husbands to bear them children. You gotta be kidding me! There is something really wrong with these women of the Bible.
How unloved Leah must have felt. Even her father thought she would never have a man who would love her and cherish her. She had to know rejection first from her father and now Jacob. Leah by all accounts was a wonderful woman. We know she loved God. I think women who love God just glow. However ~ she was just chopped liver next to Rachel as Angie puts it in my workbook.
Because she was so unloved ~ God sees her and blesses her in a special way. The unloved wife gets her heart's desire to be loved by God and her children. She kept producing children for Jacob and each time she had great hopes that it would cause her husband to love her. My heart just hurts for Leah!