Wednesday, February 15, 2017

A New Place of Grace







Yesterday at staff lunch our Pastor told us of one of his college professors who allowed them to give themselves their own grade at the end of the semester. Some thought that would be a great idea. But I hated the idea. I don't think I would ever give myself a good grade if it were left up to me.

 I never think I do good enough. I am a perfectionist and I am my worst critic.  I want to be a better Christian. I want to be a better wife. I obsess over the areas of my motherhood where I feel like I failed. I never feel like my house is Pinterest worthy enough. I feel like I need to do more to be good enough.  I second guess every decision I make and read into every word I say. Yep~ I want to be good all the time and at everything.  Perfectionism is a tough slave master.  A Pastor friend asked me not long ago, "Do you always have to be perfect?" That's a big problem. I know it and I am a recovering perfectionist. I am praying that God will help me with this problem which is really the sin of fear of never being accepted or loved for just being me.  

 The problem is that in my walk with God this tends to lead to legalism and that is very ugly!  Self -righteousness.... self-sufficiency... independence.... no matter what you call it, it is  "I" and not "God." I have spent three years in a spiritual wilderness as God has been prying my hands off "gotta be good enough." He has been showing me how my perfectionism has turned into a goodness gospel and  He has been calling me into grace. A new place of grace and goodness where I can rest and depend only on Him and that is the most wonderful place to be~ depending one step at a time on my Heavenly Father. 

Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. I John 4:10

As ye therefore, received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in him. Colossians 2:6




3 comments:

Betsy said...

You've given me lots to think about in this post today. I struggle with the same thing. I've never felt good enough and always striving to be better. Not that there's anything wrong in trying to do your best for God, but sometimes it tends to become about me and not about Him at that point.
Blessings, Betsy

Debbie Slaughter said...

I relate to so much of this. A secondary problem with being a perfectionist is having high expectations of others, as well. I tend to hold others to the same standards that I hold myself, which doesn't lend itself to much grace. Ugg. This is what the Bible means by dying to self daily. One day at a time :)

Thanks for such an honest post!

Down On The Farm said...

I know the feeling. I hold myself, and everyone else, to a pretty standard. And that usually leaves me disappointed in myself, and others. That is NOT of God!!! Thanks for the reminder that His grace is sufficient!!

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