Sunday, March 13, 2011

Advice From Doctor Mom~

Complement, Not Compete

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor.  For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.

For many years I struggled with the idea of my worth in my work.  I didn't have an advanced  college  degree and My Brian and I had decided early in our marriage that I would stay home to raise our children.  I decided then and there I would be the best Homemaker I could be. I didn't have a good handle on who I was as a person, though. I had constant thoughts such as: 
*You are  not worth much.
*You do not have a career.
*Anyone can do what you are doing.
*I am stuck in a rat race with no place to go.

I allowed these thoughts to go through my head over and over. As you must imagine I was not a lovely person to be around.

To add insult to injury~My Brian WAS getting the degrees and was building a successful career. I found myself competing instead of complementing. The more degrees he would earn the more I felt left behind. The more recognition he received the bigger failure I found myself to be. During this time in my life, I went to many wonderful Titus women that God had placed into my life. What a help these dear friends and family were to me. 

I began to pray for God to first heal me. And then I started reading a book called, "  The Power of A Praying Wife." (by Stormie Omartian)
  I began to pray that God would heal my sinful thoughts. I started praying daily for God to bless all that My Brian's hands touched and turn it to success.  I let go of my husband and gave him to God to use as He saw fit~not as I had planned. 

Your husband will never truly be yours until you have first given him back to God. He is yours only when you are willing to let him go wherever God calls him and do what God wants him to do.-Lila Trotman

I stopped competing with My Brian~and started complementing.  We are one body and one flesh. God joined us together. I began to see each success of his as an extension of who we were as a couple and a family. After all~behind every good man you will always find an exhausted woman! I decided I was going to take Titus 2:4-5 to heart~ I would take on the role as a "husband lover" and a "child lover." This passage of scripture gave me the guidelines for my career!  I realize this whole concept of work and worth is very complex. Each woman must determine what is best for their family using biblical guidelines.  For me~ God called me to be a lover of my husband and my children.  This was refreshing for me. I found my attitude toward my work changing. 

When I gave up my idea of what My Brian was to do in life and focus on what God wanted Carrie to do~ the breakthrough came. I starting focusing on a personal relationship with God and allowed Him to fulfillment as a person! I had been a born-again Christian for a long time.  But God wanted me to enter into a deeper walk with Him. I had to learn to really trust Him. Now that is easier said than done. I mean really trust Him. I decided if I could trust Him with my eternal soul than I could trust Him with my husband, my children, and our little world. I fully surrendered to God's will~not Carrie's will. I cannot tell you how sweet this has made our marriage.  God's way is always best. Being in the center of God's will is the only place to find true happiness.

My Brian is just about to get his Doctorate~I am so proud of him and very thankful I walk this life with him.   I have had many fun and exciting jobs but none that compares with being  Dr. Mom!


Camille said...

Beautiful post Carrie! Thank you for always being such an encouragement. Enjoy your time with your Brian! And congratulations to you both! :)

Many blessings,

Marydon said...

Fabulous write, Carrie. Congrats to your wonderful hubby.

Hope son is getting better, I know he has had a long & heavy load.

How is that dimpled darling Boston?

I am in & out of blogging with hubby's sickness ... sorry. I appreciated your note dearly & miss you, too.

Happy St. Paddy's day ~
Have a beautiful week ~

gail said...

So true Carrie,

We so often come to this point kicking and screaming but when we get there we realise it the best way. congratulations to both of you.

Blessings Gail

Ann at eightacresofeden said...

What wonderful insights Carrie. I used to be a career woman and had every intention of returning to the workforce and climbing the ladder in health service management but God brought me home and showed me I could still be a manager - a manager of my home. It took sometime - I was over committed to church ministry and attending so many meetings during the week there was little time left for my husband. I think I was still competing - saying 'look people need me' - but the people who needed me the most were the ones missing out. I thank God that He gave me a new vision for home and family and showed me just how exciting and fulfilling it could be once I dedicated myself to it. The Lord has also given my husband a vision for home and family life. Part of that vision is cultivating this property and growing as much food as we can, my husband wants to see his family eating homegrown produce - this weekend we went to the autumn plant fair together and browsed almost every stall. We bought many fruit trees and food plants and came home and planted them together after much discussion about the best position. It was just wonderful working alongside each other. Once upon a time, my husband would be happy to mow the lawns and leave the gardens to me but then he became interested in plants and growing food and now he is the one reminding me that the plant fairs are going to be on! As we walked around the markets I was thinking this really is wedded bliss, my husband actually likes shopping for something! (he hates supermarkets and malls!) So I would say to young wives see if you can find an interest that you can pursue together, something that allows you to complement each other and work at together, even better if it brings benefits to your home and/or your health and well-being and give it your very best.
I've had to give up some of my idealistic dreams - the romantic rose gardens and pots of flowers everywhere as Brett believes it is better to buy plants that will feed our family but that's fine - I have found new pleasures in food gardening and that is largely thanks to my husband.
Congratulations to Brian and I do hope you had a wonderful day together.

Julze said...

Wow...your post really touched my heart Carrie. Congratulations to Brian ...enjoy your together time. May the Lord bless you both!

Liesa said...

Wonderful, Godly advise. Great post!

Jenn @ Spejory said...

I can so relate to what you wrote in this post. I went through something very similar and God healed me of those thoughts so that I could focus on being the best helpmeet I can be to my husband. It's not easy to get to that point, but so rewarding, as you have discovered!

Sweet Magnolias Farm said...

I love your blog Carrie. Where in Mo. are you. We lived in Springfield area several years ago. Moved back to Ca. and are thinking of moving back to Mo. again. We miss Mo. Blessings, Abbey



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