Wednesday, September 3, 2014

"It May Be Cancer"

Psalm 46:1

 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Do you ever feel like you wake up somewhere you don't belong? Last week My Brian and I walked into the Cancer Treatment Center at St. Luke's Hospital in Kansas City, Missouri. You just couldn't miss the bright big letters announcing where you were as you walked through beautiful big french doors. As we walked through the grand entrance I could not help but think why am I here?

 As I looked around the waiting room ~ it was filled with ladies from all ages with sweet faces underneath shiny bald heads and beautiful scarfs. Many were wearing wigs but all were toting a sweet smile of some degree. Somehow they seemed to be conveying~  "I am so sorry you are here."  I had seen the same sympathy expression the day I walked out of the building where my testing had been done. They were not allowed to tell me what they had found of course until my Doctor gave me that me that dreaded call. But I could read their faces~ the same face that read, "I am sorry." 

 As I began to study each face in that waiting room some  had no hair at all and some had a spiky do going on ~ I begin to think why not me? I am no better than any lady here. I begin to silently pray for those I did not know. I began to pray for myself. 

CANCER~  such an ugly word that none of us want to hear. I am not sure mine is cancer until it is removed from my body and put under a microscope but all the ladies in the waiting room that day had already been told ~"You have cancer" NOT "You may have cancer." 

I will admit I am afraid. I will admit I am so vain. I confessed to God for  EVER complaining about my baby thin hair. I will admit I am not looking forward to a major surgery. I will admit I don't want to trust a Doctor that I have never met before in my life. 

Yet~ I am a person of faith in a STRONG GOD! I am weak but He is strong! I am not sure I have total confidence in this Oncologist. But I am sure I have total confidence in MY GOD.  I am not sure I can do this in my own strength but I have total confidence in MY GOD'S STRENGTH. He has never once left me or forsaken me. 

This morning I am finding comfort in this verse~

Genesis 16:13

 And she called the name of the Lord that spake unto her, Thou God seest me: for she said, Have I also here looked after him that seeth me?

This is Hagar crying out to God. She was a slave that was abused and misused  for some other's selfish desires. Sara and Abraham were mean to her. Yet~ she cried out to her God and said, "You are the God that sees me." God knew where Hagar was that day Sara kicked her to the curb. And mine and your Bible tells us that God heard her~ He answered her. Hagar called Him ~ El Roi. She was the first person to call God that.  El Roi means - the God who sees me. 

God's eyes were on me when I walked into that Canter Treatment Center and if I have cancer or not ~ He is not caught by surprise.  Grace has brought me safe this far and with grace, I will carry on. 



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