Spouse In The House~ Help We Retired!



We have retired. That means we are both at home 24/7. I adore my husband but I wasn't prepared for every day to feel like a Saturday or that I would feel like I had to give up my alone time. I have never really cared for Saturdays because I love organized structure... all of the time. And I just didn't realize how much I needed alone time.  I jumped at a chance to review this book. 

The authors of Spouse in House also had a hard time adjusting to joining the "he's at home all the time" club. Cynthia and Becky go back and forth with the things they struggled with by being at home all of the time in their marriages. More people are working from home now... also creating the 24/7 at home struggles. These two ladies gathered research from couples around the country and get to the root cause of why and how to navigate through this new season in life all while still keeping the passion alive.

I liked how they both went back and forth both being honest about the hard issues and then giving practical advice on how to overcome them. They start out the book with the first chapter, “Honey, I'm Home...All. The. Time."  Welcome to the HHATT ~ He's home all the time club.

I think the chapter that I loved the most was~ " But Honey, Both Names are on the Mortgage." I had run the house for over thirty years and I was not ready for "ALL" the input or having someone now looking over my shoulder on things that never mattered to him while he was distracted with his career. I really wanted things to say the same. Reading that it was his house too reminded me that we needed to make room and space in our home for the new work that we both do now in retirement. She really does need some sort of a "she shed" and he needs a "man cave" for sanity's sake. Creating a place where we both can have that alone space for quiet time is okay. Building that pole barn for him to have his workspace is just what we needed. 

I do echo the "We're Dancing, but He's Listening to Different Music." My guy loves 80's music and I just hate it. It doesn't bring back good memories for me but I can sure relax to a little county. We really don't want our men to be just like us or even our friends. I came away with ~ Keep those girlfriends and maybe get some earplugs. God made the differences on purpose and I kind of like them. 

It was great to hear from Becky on this topic~ she had learned to manage to care for her husband, children, home, and career while still reading, writing, and growing as a person. But when her husband announced he was retiring she started to feel panic again. It sort of changes everything in life!  In the end, we find that God created us to be who we are as individuals and still maintain a healthy relationship... finding a way to make it work takes a little creativity and compromise... AGAIN!  God does make all the difference in our lives as women and as a couple.   

Ha~ and I learned that the "woman speak twice as many words as men" has been debunked. New research says females speak 16,215 words each day and males speak 15,669 words a day. Which is considered a statistical dead heat. BUT... in general, women talk more about their feelings than men do. Women talk more about people and men talk more about objects. 

I love this quote ~"The talents and passions that God has given you don't need to be packed away in a cardboard box with that old nameplate. Ask him to show you how to use those gifts and passions in a new way."  I think this is a message Brian and I need to both hear. 

We have been:

Home Sweet Parenting

Home Sweet Builders

Home Sweet Educator

Home Sweet Homeschool

Home Sweet Administrator

Home Sweet Business

Home Sweet Counselor 

Home Sweet Director

BUT we must never forget that HOME is always "HOME."  Home is a place to recuperate. A home is a place for business operations. Home is a classroom. But home must never lose its identity as home. 


I so enjoyed reading this book. If you find yourself in a season of 24/7 and you feel bad for struggling as I did~ this book is for you. Although I adore my husband, I was not prepared for 24/7. This book is just what I needed. 






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About the book












A frank and funny look at what to do when together is too close

Two's  company, especially for those who love each other. So what happens when--due to retirement, working from home, or even running a business together--spouses find that being in the same space all the time is awkward, complex, annoying, and just plain challenging? How can partners coexist without co-exhausting each other?

Cynthia Ruchti and Becky Melby know all too well how adjusting to a new, all-the-time closeness can cause the bliss of marriage to form blisters. Drawing from their experiences, and from men and women across the country in the same situation, the authors take a deep breath and dive into the root causes. They dig into the ways God's Word has to say, and they offer practical tips for learning the spiritual, emotional, relational, and even physical steps that can help readers replace irritation with peace.

For any Christian who wants their home to be a refuge of peace and serenity for all--not just themselves--and who wants to know they aren't alone in the mental and physical claustrophobia of too much togetherness, Spouse in the House is a vulnerable, charming, and pragmatic breath of hope.

Releases September 21, 2021, from Kregel.

About the Authors
Cynthia Ruchti tells stories of hope through novels, nonfiction, devotionals, and speaking events. She serves as the professional relations liaison for American Christian Fiction Writers and is a frequent speaker at writer's conferences across the country. Find out more at  cynthiaruchti.com.

Becky Melby is an author and speaker, with more than twenty books to her name, including four cozy mysteries for Guideposts’ Secrets of Wayfarers Inn series. Find out more at beckymelby.com.

Both make their homes in the heart of Wisconsin with their respective retired spouses and are longtime best friends.


This book was provided to me in exchange for my honest review. 




Comments

  1. I'm not there yet, LOL, but I can certainly understand that it would be an adjustment!!!! Miss you sweet friend!!! Keep in touch :)!

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  2. All mine and my husband's married life, he has traveled. He was in the military first. 25 years of saying alot of goodbyes and hellos gets old. But it's how he has provided for our family all these years. I am now able to travel with him some due to our last youngest being out of high school now. I am absolutely loving it. ❤ We are soaking up our time together. We are enjoying us. 😉 Can't wait until retirement so we can enjoy it even more while at home.

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